Pregnancy! It seems like a lifetime ago. I think God erases your memory sometimes so you don’t remember the not-so-pleasant things in life. Let’s start from the beginning!
My hubby Tony & I decided that we were going to start “trying” to get pregnant in October 2015. I was SO excited to start trying that I literally counted down the days. I guesstimated my ovulation & we went from there. We did our part and then waited, for what seemed like an eternity. Three weeks later, I was a day early for the “6 day-early response” but I couldn’t wait another minute. I was home alone & I took the test. I saw the FAINTEST little pink line. Is this real life? I decided to try a different brand just to make sure. After chugging a bottle of water, I took the second test and INSTANTLY the test showed a blue plus sign….PREGNANT! We were pregnant. Tony came home & I surprised him with an anniversary card that was really a pregnancy reveal card. He opened it and we laughed and cried. What a blessing, a little baby in my belly! Hello, pregnancy bliss!
Or not. I was in for a rude-awakening. My pregnancy was nothing like the cute pregnant Instagram or Pinterest mamas. I had 13 migraines in the first trimester, coupled with nausea from morning to night. I could barely make it through my work day without wanting to throw up, and would come home and not move off the couch until I went to bed. I was shocked. “How come I’m not glowing? Why do I hate being pregnant? Am I a bad person because I hate being pregnant? I should be thankful I’m pregnant.” I was truly miserable. I waited for the joy to come. But I was struggling. Struggling to find joy. Struggling to feel thankful. And wondering why I had wanted this so badly.
The second trimester came, nausea slowly went away, but the fatigue was worse than ever and I had heartburn GALORE. I’m talking, chest and throat on fire, can’t eat anything besides bread & water, and even that gave me heartburn. I slept sitting up and kept Tums in my purse. I felt like I would never be “me” again and felt depressed. Pregnancy was the most self-sacrificing experience I’ve ever been through and to be honest, I felt like my life ended. I could barely bring myself to get out of the house, I was exhausted at the thought of hanging out with friends, and on top of all that I felt guilty because I thought I was ruining Tony’s life by keeping him from the fun of our normal social events. This was not what I signed up for. I found myself lying awake at night wondering if I even wanted to be a mom.
But, this isn’t just a depressing story, THERE IS HOPE! Sicily Mae joined us on July 3, 2016 and ALMOST instantly I felt alive and like myself. HALLELUJAH! I was “me” again, but I was a mama now! WAY better than the old “me.” I had energy, hope, and I had this amazing angel that made my heart BURST with love! My advice for you is this: there is no right or wrong pregnancy journey! You may love being pregnant and glow from within…or you might be a little more like me and have a really hard time with the experience. Don’t put pressure on yourself to live up to the world’s expectations (or social media’s). You are going through a tremendous experience and it’s okay if you’re uncertain or weary. Hang in there! Your bundle of joy will be here soon and every single second of your pregnancy is worth it x a billion! Stay strong & know you’re not alone. We’re all in this together!