Fear, worry and stress about the unknown future – we all do it. You are not alone – it’s part of what makes us human. I have never been one to share my personal life (especially on social media or the interwebs) but I feel God has called me to share my story to provide encouragement and hope to those that might be struggling to get pregnant…
Having married my high school sweetheart, Phil, the talk of someday having a family together had for many years been a fun yet dreamy topic of discussion. By our early 20’s we had it all planned out…where we wanted to live, how many children we wanted and even our children’s’ names picked out. However, for me, with this overwhelming excitement came fear and anxiety. This feeling was not from me questioning if we would someday be good parents, but whether it was even possible for us to conceive.
My menstrual cycles have always been a bit all over the place – from not-on-schedule to non-existent. My doctors always attributed this to me being too active, but I was always fearful that there was more to it. In order for me to have a healthy regular cycle the doctors recommended that I get on the pill. I had mixed emotions about the pill and medications in general, but after trying it out and getting my body back on a normal schedule/cycle with no side effects, I continued with it until Phil and I knew we were ready to start a family.
I got off the pill to try and get my body back on a natural cycle, but a few months went by and no period. 😦 I knew this was normal, especially taking into consideration how long my body hadn’t been working on its own. I didn’t think much about it the first few months, but by month 4 my patience had worn off. With each month of no period that went by I became more and more afraid that we would never be able to have a family of our own. I saw a few different OBGYNs – all of which had different opinions and prescribed different drugs, but nothing was working. I was heartbroken for Phil, who was so excited to be a dad, and also heart-broken for us as a young couple.
Just when I thought I was at a dead-end, my Mom called with some promising news. She had been talking about my situation with a girl friend who had dealt with similar issues. This friend told her about an amazing fertility doctor she had quick and easy success with. I was not looking forward to more doctors appointments that I assumed would lead to another round of disappointing news, but I decided to give it a go (and I’m so glad I did). After my first consult appointment, I knew I was in the right place and my attitude and hope took a complete 180. She was absolutely amazing, I could tell she cared about my story, and I was confident that she was going to do everything in her power to help us start the family we had been praying for. She told us it might take some time to get to the bottom of what was going on with my body, but she reassured us that this was not an impossible situation. After many previous doctors appointments left us with only questions and doubts, we were finally able to head home with smiles and hope for our future family. I knew it was going to be a long year+ of many more appointments, shots (needles! eek!), trying different medications, sleepless nights waiting for results, etc… but knowing this was all for my future family, I was 100% ok with it all. It was like my mom-mentality had already kicked in. It was no longer all about me; it was about my future child and family.
Fast-forward through a very long year-and-a-half, 50+ appointments, 2 rounds of Clomid medication and 2 IUI’s and it was time for us to find out the results. I remember being afraid to answer the phone when I saw the call coming in from the doctor. It took me a few minutes to gather the courage to check the voicemail, but I finally did and things were forever changed – we were pregnant!!!
You can say it was a mix of all emotions… excitement, love, shock, fear, disbelief, wondering how and why I deserved this great news. It took a solid week for me to realize that this was not a dream and we were actually going to be starting a little family! And the most comforting part of all was knowing that we were not in this alone… Our story was proof to Phil and I that through faith, trust and prayer along the way, God had blessed us with a little baby miracle and the timing of the whole process coming to fruition was all a part of his plan – synching up perfectly with recent job changes, a new living situation and (the most fun part of all) getting to raise our baby Brooklyn alongside two of my best friends (the other two madres) and their babes at the same time.
It sure was an anxious, bumpy road full of ups and downs… Fear, stress, and not being able to let go of control will only hold you captive. There is no breaking free or escaping the stress of the situation until you fully understand that you are not in control. God has a reason and plan for everything and I pray that this story can provide that relief and comfort you might need to have the patience and faith that things will work out and you will soon have that baby of your dreams. Stay strong and have faith! And for you other madres that already have your own little miracle: I hope this is a friendly reminder to make sure you cherish every moment and don’t take a second of it for granted. 🙂